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13 September 2007
I thought my life is twisted, but i was proven wrong.
I was intro to read this blog. it made me cry as a mum, who has gone thru failed pregnancy and finally gave birth to a healthy gal. i can relate myself to the tremour this mum is facing can imagine hers is much worst.

http://ashleyisourangel.blogspot.com/

Her Ashley is born about the same time i was forced to take my Ashton away, i vividly remember how he lie in between my bloody legs. No help, no one, late at night and alone with 5 other strangers in other beds.. Reading her blog brings back all my memories of my son, who is in god's arms too, and in a safe place called HEAVEN.

I remember how i confirm he was coming out, touching the tip of his head. He had hair, not like his sister now, botak. he was long too.. i remembered how he looked like. only difference, hers lived mine didn't. He was lying bloody in the box waiting for tests to be done on him, now i regret, should hv brought him back in one piece, cos the fucking report was not even valid..

I would feel like posting a pic of Ashton here too. but beta not in case there are pple reading my blog.. Although he is bloody, but he is a part of me.. now i can't stop crying in office while typing this blog.. I miss him..

I do sometimes think of him, even though i have a bubbly, noti and smiley gal who i love alot.. well i guess it's what they mean flesh n blood. some pple wonder how a gal like me, who loves to go out, drinking, club meet pple, can suddenly give up all, stay home be motherly, learn to cook, learn to knit learn to crochet. I guess it's because i was contented that god gave me a healthy gal after 2 years.. Motherhood jst all came together like a jig saw puzzle. Wonder if Adrian misses Ashton..
If Ashton was around.. i would be a mother of 2 at 27.. i guess i am not so lucky after all.. i hv never been.. remember how i hv bot clothes for Ashton n it's still around.. that day i remembered after packing cos it was hiding untouched for 2 yrs in my cupboard.. i took it out.. deciding whether to let Ashlyn wear.. i decided not to.. pan tang rite?? i always love these 2 names, now if i know if i have a boy next time, i got to thnk of another name.. hope Ashton will bless our family to be happy n Ashlyn to be healthy...

~ { 4:44 PM }
reflections of you and me;